I’ll be the first to admit that I’m a bit of a scrooge when it comes to Christmas.
‘A bit’ is putting it lightly, as I mentioned in passing to someone the other day that by calling myself ‘a scrooge’ or ‘a grinch’, I’m almost setting a baseline of acceptance of Christmas itself. No, my dislike of Christmas runs deep, so much so that I once skipped Christmas lunch with family to go and see Cats in the cinema on Christmas Day. I cannot scrub the image of furry Taylor Swift or feline Judi Dench from my mind.
However, my revulsion for the day is not so deep that I can’t create a bit of an article for your perusal to help you find some Aussie films that either fill that Christmas void in your heart or in the case of some of the titles, grabs an ice pick and hollows it out further.
If I dip my toe into the Christmas spirit for a moment, I’m led to wonder: what makes a Christmas film a Christmas film? It’s a fairly redundant question, because surely a Christmas film is a film that’s set during Christmas and reflects the values of the season. Simples.
After all, part of the reason why people love Christmas is that it’s a time of giving, a time of family, a time of joy and love and hope, and a time of selflessness. It’s also a time of warmth, which is a clear ‘no shit’ thing for us in Australia where it gets to be hotter than Satan’s jocks on a 30+ degree day. Thanks to the creep of capitalism, the wintery-theme of Christmas makes its presence in Australia with faux-snow, a proliferation of ‘ugly Christmas jumpers’ causing boozed up folks to collapse with heat exhaustion, and snowflakes galore. An Aussie Christmas is much, much different, with bushfires, beaches, and bronzed up boofheads belting out their worst version of How to Make Gravy for all to hear.
For the purpose of clear delineation between the Christmas faithful and the grinches amongst us, I’ll call the films that adhere to the Christmas spirit ‘Australian Christmas movies’ while those that are set during the silly season but are decidedly non-festive in tone I’ll call ‘Aussie Xmas films’.
Some of the below films are dinky di classics, the kind of film you’d be ecstatic to see wrapped up under the tree, while others are like receiving a pair of jocks from your nan, you appreciate the sentiment, but feel a bit odd about your septuagenarian grandparent giving you Marvel-themed undies.
Plenty are not family friendly, while others are suitable for all ages. I’ll do my best to outline which is which, but please don’t come at me brandishing cricket bats if you accidentally pop on Wake in Fright and happen to disturb the grandkids who expected to see Around the World with Dot. (Oddly, one of those films is far less racist than the other.)
Since I’ve invoked the name of arguably the finest Aussie film ever made, but maybe not the best Australian Christmas film, I’ll start there.
Ted Kotcheff’s Wake in Fright might not be the most seasonally appropriate film to bounce to mind when you hear the words ‘Aussie Xmas film’, but sure enough, this masterpiece of sweaty cinema is as Christmas themed as it gets. Gary Bond’s John Grant is a schoolteacher heading to the city over the Christmas-New Years school break. The poor bugger doesn’t get far from his remote classroom, losing his pay on two up, soaking himself in as much booze as he can fit down his gullet, and finding himself trapped in the purgatory of the Bundanyabba; but nobody calls it that, it’s the Yabba.
Christmas in Wake in Fright exists out of spite. It lingers in the background, all faded and fucked by the searing sun. Brian West’s scorched cinematography captures the sweat and heat of the Yabba with such intensity that you can put this flick on during the coldest days of winter and heat your whole house with it.
There’s the fabled stories of Wake in Fright being lost to time, only to be discovered decades after its release, and they’re worthwhile reading about in your own time, all of which you can do with the downright essential 4K box set release from Umbrella Entertainment. You might not want to watch Wake in Fright on Christmas Day, but if you have a film loving fiend in your life, then they sure as shit would want to find this under your frocked up Chrissy tree. It’s a massive set with special features and commentaries galore. This is the nicest transfer and clean-up of the film to be made available. You’d be a raving drongo if you didn’t have this physical release in your collection. Buy two copies and you’ll have a handy set of bricks to squash flies with.
In a stray observation and by selectively picking lyrics, I’m pretty sure that that Band Aid song Do They Know It’s Christmas? is about Wake in Fright.
It's Christmas time, there's no need to be afraid
At Christmas time, we let in light and we banish shade
There's a world outside your window
And it's a world of dread and fear
Where the only water flowing
Is the bitter sting of tears
And the Christmas bells that ring
There are the clanging chimes of doom
Do they know it's Christmas time at all?
Other feral Aussie flicks set during Xmas time that are worth a watch include the horrifying suburban crime film Hounds of Love (featuring maybe the most nauseating dance near a Christmas tree I’ve seen) and the brotherly bonds of John Hillcoat’s The Proposition, featuring the most abrupt and brutal interruption to a Christmas lunch in an Aussie film.
So, after that sojourn into savagery, let’s take a look at a genuine Australian Christmas film, and this one’s a bit of a lost gem, but thanks to Umbrella Entertainment, there’s been a nice transfer uplifting it and bringing it to a new audience.
Funny Things Happen Down Under is a bit of a lost gem in the mix of Aussie Christmas films, let alone Australian films in general. Released in 1965, this charming family friendly tale is a feature length spin off of the Aussie TV series The Terrible Ten, which in itself is a bit of a lost gem of Australiana. Think of like a country Australia version of Enid Blyton’s The Famous Five series, only double the kids, and you’re there. Adding to the affectation is how the kids accents carry the lilt of the English fields mixed with a tinge of emerging ocker sensibility, like a cross between Yorkshire pudding and damper.
The plot, for what it is, is a bit of a lark. The Terrible Ten are at risk of losing their club house so need to come up with £200 to buy it and make sure it stays in their hands. While some of the kids do odd jobs, and others attempt to make puddings or sell mineral water, the real genius in the bunch comes up with the formula to breed coloured sheep. Like, rainbow coloured sheep. I almost wish that they shot this on technicolour or found a dye that was a bit brighter than dull, because when we do get to see the rainbow coloured sheep, it’s a little underwhelming, but the whimsy of the piece and the enthusiasm of the kids goes a long way to making it feel special.
There’s a few notable aspects to Funny Things Happen Down Under that make it worthwhile seeking out. Firstly, it features the screen debut of the absolutely luminous Olivia Newton John. She’s not given a heck of a lot to do, lingering in the background as set dressing, but when she’s given center stage and gets to belt out a tune, you’re reminded just how much of a singular, raw talent she was.
It’s also the first Aussie-Kiwi co-production, and as it’s a musical, a Māori shearer (played wonderfully by Howard Morrison) gets to sing his own song. They’re not exactly the most memorable numbers, but in the moment they have a charm to them that lifts your spirits a bit.
Funny Things Happen Down Under isn’t exactly a long lost Christmas classic flick that deserves immediate revival, but it does comfortably fit the bill of being a lazy afternoon post-feast experience to fall asleep to. High praise, I know, but it’s delightful enough to warrant a watch. Check it out on Brollie or on Umbrella’s nice Bluray release which features a superb transfer and two different cuts of the film.
Other vintage flicks to seek out include both versions of Bush Christmas (my recommendation is the Nicole Kidman screen debut one, enjoyment level varies for both), and if you’re feeling nostalgic and can tolerate tepid quality films, then seek out Bushfire Moon, a film that has its champions on its side, but has far more naysayers on the other.
So what about the films that are about Christmas and set during Xmas time, but play in a dirtier wheelhouse than Santa is used to? These might be your Die Hard’s or Christmas Evil’s; genre flicks that let loose with a Santa or two and some tinsel in the air, while also adhering to the values of the season, albeit maybe a skewed version of them.
Here we’ve got films like Better Watch Out, a home invasion-esque thriller about the virtues of being an incel obsessed with a babysitter; reactions for this one skew from ‘I fucking love this’ to ‘I fucking hate it’, so anticipate either being absolutely riveted or yiking out early in disgust.
There’s also James Vinson’s Slant, which I’ll admit I haven’t seen, but am including here as a note to say that it exists, is apparently quite campy, and features Sigrid Thornton, who is always worthwhile watching. Reviews are skewed towards the less favourable.
Equally less favourable with reviews, but worthwhile commenting on, is the almost-unhinged, but mostly just awkward horror flick Red Christmas by Craig Anderson. This indie flick sees Dee Wallace and her family being harangued by the adult version of the baby who somehow survived a botched abortion decades early. It's got some, shall we say, interesting prosthetic choices, and it gets a half thumb up for making the villain a little sympathetic, but it doesn't really know what to do with the whole abandoned aborted festive foetus who just wants to be with its family; at times it feels like it wants to make a political statement, but then at others it tries to adhere too closely to the expected tropes of the horror genre, making it a rather muddled affair.
To be fair, it was made with about a quarter of what you put in for your work's secret Santa. Anderson drenches the film in a doom-laden red hue, giving the film a suitably menacing tinge and adding a bit of atmosphere to the piece. It's not enough to make it a memorable experience, but it is something at least. High praise, I know.
While Red Christmas might only suit the diehard gorehounds out there, the doco about its filming certainly is definitely worth a squiz for anyone who likes a good making of film. Gary Doust’s Horror Movie: A Low Budget Nightmare gives credence to why Craig Anderson’s film didn't manage to break out of indie film orphanage, and in the process, it adds a level of respectability to Red Christmas. As a companion piece, Horror Movie: A Low Budget Nightmare lifts the lid on what efforts go into making a micro budget Aussie horror film. Is it an Australian Christmas film or an Aussie Xmas film? It’s kinda neither, but given the subject matter, it is definitely worth a watch.
If you’re still not satiated with micro-budget horror shenanigans, then you can always check out Mathew J. Wilkinson’s schlocky splatfest Stuffings, which is as cheap as it gets, but hits the spot in the same way leftovers on Boxing Day does.
Finally, we’ve got the films that straddle both worlds: Genuine Christmas films which sing the song of the season, and that work brilliantly for the Christmas-agnostics out there.
Here we’ve got a trio of films which some might consider the ducks nuts of Australian Christmas films.
Of course, there’s David Swann’s 1998 almost forgotten classic Crackers, a delightful family comedy which leans hard on the Aussie family stereotypes in a rather wicked way, replete with nefarious shenanigans, swearing, and cranky elderly folks. On paper it might seem a bit twee, but it sits comfortably alongside The Castle as a charming ode to what an Aussie family Christmas is like - a bit chaotic, a bit messy, very loud, and a lot of laughter. I’d love to see this one get rediscovered as it’s been lost in the noise of the prominent Aussie comedies of the 90s and deserves a bit of affection, after all, as Hilarysnufffilm says on Letterboxd: “seriously folks this movie and Snowtown are a great representation of a dysfunctional Aussie family.”
Next up is the made for TV film Blinky Bill’s White Christmas. I’ll admit, I haven’t seen this one, but it does have enough five star ratings to warrant a mention here, especially with this one review from deerhead on Letterboxd: “easily the best Christmas movie of all time. Name one other film where the protagonists know wild life poaching laws but not about the continent of Europe”.
Then there’s indie film maestro Heath Davis’ finest work yet: Christmess.
In my eyes, it’s also the best Christmas film we’ve got. It features a couple of characters with seasonally appropriate names - Chris Flint (the ever watchable and never better Steve Le Marquand), the luminous Joy (Middle Kids lead singer Hannah Joy), Nick (an also never better performance from the great Darren Gilshenan), then there’s Noelle (a charming Nicole Pastor). It’s got the themes of Christmas, of support, of loving, of looking out for one another, of bringing in strangers and giving them a roof over their heads, of understanding pain and sadness. And it’s got a bunch of beautiful songs sung with abandon and without care in the safety of a living room.
It’s also got the biggest bloody heart you need from a film like this. My writing colleague Nadine Whitney called it the major miracle independent Australian cinema needs, and she’s right. Christmess is about love and support and all of those things, but it’s mostly about tapping into what your heart needs to get through the day; that might be reconnecting with family, or pushing through another alcohol free day, or cooking lunch for your mates, or just sitting around and singing a tune together.
It says a lot about the strength of Heath’s writing and his direction that even years after having seen Christmess for the first time, I’m still getting a little choked up over some of the scenes in the film. Not just from sadness, but also from the happiness of seeing this wayward group of folks bandying about together. There’s a moment in a car where Darren Gilshenan gives maybe the best single moment of his career (notable given the exceptional short film Jason is My Dad also sees Darren in top tier form); I can’t shake the look on his face during that scene. I also can’t shake the natural turn from Hannah Joy, comfortably making the step from the music stage to the silver screen with ease. I hope this isn’t the only time we see her act.
Christmess is the kind of film that does the unthinkable: it makes me reconsider my curmudgeonly ways and furrowed brow over the festive season and say ‘hey, maybe this isn’t so bad after all?’ Not only is Christmess the best Australian Christmas film (and Aussie Xmas film at that), it’s also one of the best Christmas films ever. Christmess is usually available on streaming services, so make sure to check it out when you can (although keep in mind there are some swears, so it’s really only suitable for older kids, not the young ones).
Whilst this isn’t exactly an exhaustive list of Aussie Christmas film, I do want to shout out streaming service Stan. for their effort in building up a library of Australian Christmas films. They noticed the lack of Australian Christmas film fare, so loaded up the sack with a wheelbarrow full of ocker delights, knocking out Christmas film after Christmas film, often with some variation on Christmas in the title. These include Christmas on the Farm, Nugget is Dead: A Christmas Story, Jones Family Christmas, Christmas Ransom, and the best of the bunch, A Sunburnt Christmas, which features a runaway Santa, a whole bunch of laughs, and some surprising action too. There’s maybe a little bit too much biffo for that one to be suitable for all ages, but older kids would find something to appreciate in it (provided they’re ok with a few swears). No doubt by the time you’ve read this there’ll be another three or four films in the Stan. Christmas library, however if they can please refrain from adding any further films to the How to Make Gravy line-up would be appreciated.
For a list of other Australian Christmas titles, check out this Letterboxd list here.